Done out of Habit
by Lela951
Summary: Songfic: Harry thinks about what he has lost after the final battle and his habit since he was young...cutting. Who can help our hero? Song: Bad Habit by The Dresden Dolls. No Slash. Remus Guardian figure.


**I need help for some reason this story didnt appear at all when i seach to see if other could get to it. It even said that it had been accepted but it still didnt show up. Does anyone know why? well anyway thats why i reloaded the story with a different title to see if that was the problem. R and R please!**

**Disclamer: I dont own Harry Potter or the song Bad Habit.**

**Title: Done out of Habit**

**Rating: M (for cutting and suicidal thoughts)**

**Warnings: English is not my first language and I don't have a beta for this story. Some characters may be OOC even if its not on purpose.**

**Description: Harry thinks about what he has lost after the final battle and his habit since he was young …cutting. Who can help our hero? Song: Bad Habit by The Dresden Dolls.**

**Key:**

**HHH -** Harry's POV

rrr - Remus's POV

**_"sss" _**- Song

* * *

**"Done out of Habit"

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**

Running through the school everyone was desperately looking for Harry. It had been only the day before that the final battle had taken place. Many lives had being forfeited, which had been a major blow to the magical community. Still Harry had been missing since then.

Remus didn't know where else to look. He was getting very stressed and anxious. Harry was all he had left and he was not going to give up on him now that it was time to finally have a normal life. He was getting very tired so he had decided to take a small break of air up in the Astronomy tower and then continue on his way.

He climbed the steps when he suddenly heard someone singing. It was very eerie since the person sound slyly insane though that could also be cause by the on slaughter of too many emotions going through that person at once. As he finally reached the top he knew who it was. But instead of walking in he decided to hear. 'Maybe this could explain what Harry is feeling'

* * *

**He was sitting in the edge of the Astronomy Tower. It had been so painful to think about his loses and the people who had betrayed him. The only option he had left was to cut to get rid of the pain he was feeling. The physical pain was an escape that helped him deal with the hurt his heart was going through. **

**The war was finally over. It was all so fast that he didn't know if it was really real or if someone was playing with what was left of his sanity. His friends had die when the school had been invaded last year while protecting first and second years. Who would have thought being a prefect would be so dangerous? He couldn't help but feel proud of them but that didn't change the fact that they were gone. Sirius had died the year before that leaving him without any kind of guardian or parent figure. To top it all off, Dumbledore had betrayed his trust once more by not telling him of another prophecy that had dictated his own dead for Harry to be able to succeed. Still even if he felt betrayed he could not stop the anguish that ran through his body at remembering the same man lying very still in the ground while the battle took place.**

**The funny thing about all this was that at the moment the only thing running through his head was a particular song he could relate too since even before the battle took place. He knew they were looking for him, the last of the people that he had left and the Order members, but he could not face the Weasleys at the moment. He was disgusted with himself and the habit that had kept him sane till now, but he felt like there was no other choice. With his knife slashing through his scarred forearms he began to sing the song in hopes of getting his feelings sorted out. He started to smile as the pain course through his arms.  
**  
**_"Biting keeps your words at bay  
Tending to the sores that stay  
Happiness is just a gash away  
When i open a familiar scar  
Pain goes shooting like a star  
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far..._**

_**And you might say it's self-indulgent  
You might say its self-destructive  
But, you see, it's more productive  
Than if i were to be healthy"**_

**Yes. He really did believe this was the only outlet to get rid of the emotional baggage he carried. Who cared if he was healthy or not? His task was finally done. No more Voldermont. Now all he wanted was to waste away and die fast when the time came.**

"_**And pens and penknives take the blame  
Crane my neck & scratch my name  
But the ugly marks  
Are worth the momentary gain...  
When i jab a sharpened object in  
Choirs of angels seem to sing  
Hymns of hate in memorandum **_

_**And you might say it's self-indulgent  
And you might say it's self-destructive  
But, you see, it's more productive  
Than if i were to be happy"**_

**What was left for him to be happy about? He did love many people that were still around but… at the moment nothing seem worthwhile. He thought about how the muggle's lived clueless, even about their own suffering.**

"_**And sappy songs about sex and cheating  
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting  
Make me want to give mankind a beating **_

_**And you might say it's self-destructive  
But, you see, i'd kick the bucket  
Sixty times before i'd kick the habit"**_

**Damn strait! Sure he was disgusted by it but it was the only thing that kept him from jumping over the edge to meet his death.**

"**_And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought  
That even if i quit  
There's not a chance in hell i'd stop  
And anyone can see the signs  
Mittens in the summertime  
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind _**

_**And you might say its self-inflicted  
But you see that's contradictive  
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?"**_

**He didn't want pity. He knew that what he was doing was not of his own doing figuratively. It was what was left of Voldermont inside his head; the images that the megalomaniac had 'gifted' him with, before and after being killed. Sure anyone that saw him would think 'he finally went down the deep end' and in truth he believed it too.**

"_**And pain opinions are sitcom feeding  
They don't know that their minds are teething  
Makes me want to give mankind a beating**_

_**I'm tried bandages and sinking  
I've tried gloves and even thinking  
I've tried Vaseline  
I've tried everything  
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding  
They're concerned with their hair receding  
Looking back it was all maltreating  
Every thought that occurred misleading **_

_**Makes me want to give myself a beating...?"**_

**He had to laugh. This song was so fitting for him. He had tried to stop with the cutting until he realized he couldn't. No one knew how much he was suffering even before the whole 'Voldermont' business with the physical and verbal abuse he lived through. He truly was pathetic. His laughter turned to sobs and torrents of tears and then he heard someone. Two pair of harms hugged him from behind and pulled him to the floor of the tower.**

**He turned his wet eyes and looked at two pair of light brown eyes.**

"**Help me. I think I'm dying."

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**

The wolf bandaged Harry's cuts so that the bleeding would stop. Then, he pulled him into another embrace.

"I'll help you Harry, I promise"

Remus cradled the teenager in his harms. He hoped things would get better now that Harry had acknowledged his own suffering and the need for help.

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**The End**

**Author's Corner: So what did you think? I really really like to read Songfic while hearing the songs that are in them. So I tried to write my second one and see how many people liked it. Please Review and tell me what you think**


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